Cafe Hon

Cafe Hon
1002 W. 36th St. (at Roland)
Hampden, Baltimore
410-243-1230
Traditional American
www.cafehon.com
Cost: $$
Reservations: Not Needed
Date of meal: July 2007
National Price-Quality Frontier: Inside It
Baltimore Price-Quality Frontier: Inside It

Before I moved to Baltimore, I had never heard of a Hon. So I looked into it a bit. Apparently, Hons are archetypal white, working class, big-haired, middle-aged women of Baltimore. They are given this name because they call everyone "hon". If you look around Baltimore, you'll see bumper stickers and signs with ", hon" as a suffix. For example, "Believe, hon" ("believe" is Baltimore's branding slogan), "Impeach Bush, hon", or my personal favorite:

Note that this combines Baltimore's madison avenue branding campaign, "Believe" and the slogan of the Church of Flying Spaghetti Monster, particularly appropriate for this blog since it is the only religion I know with a food-based diety (no, not a deity).

I digress; back to Cafe Hon. It is straight out of the 1950s. It looks like an idea place to share a root beer float if you were a 14 year old on a date in 1958. This is the restaurant's angle. They push it pretty hard, and pretty successfully. To my taste, they are trying a bit too hard (or not quite hard enough, waitresses could be in costume if they wanted to put a little ironic distance on it), but I think this is more taste than fact. If decor is your priority and this is the kind of decor you want, Cafe Hon is the place for you.

As one would hope, the menu is sandwiches, burgers, meatloaf, crab cakes (it is Maryland after all), and other things you'd expect on a traditional American menu. Prices for sandwiches, burgers, and salads were about what you would expect ($10 range) but some of the entrees were quite pricey; given food quality I think I'd avoid these. When we went for dinner, we found the execution of the food completely fine but nothing special. Quantity was large; quality was so-so. If I was in the neighborhood and was in the mood for that vibe, I might go again for sandwiches or burgers. However, there are tastier places to go for a soup and salad in Hampden.

Gertrude's

Gertrude's
10 Art Museum Dr.
Charles Village, Baltimore
410-889-3399
Traditional American
www.gertrudesbaltimore.com
Cost: $$$
Reservations: Recommended
Date of meal: various (lunch)
National Price-Quality Frontier: Inside It
Baltimore Price-Quality Frontier: On It

I've been to Gertrude's twice for lunch. If ever a place was aptly named, it is Gertrude's. This was my late paternal grandmother's first name, and she would have loved the place. It's attached to the Baltimore Museum of Art. You will find it filled with middle-aged and elderly women who go there in connection with museum trips. At lunch it has more than its fair share of Johns Hopkins' senior administrators.

Gertrude's is not interesting, hip, cool, trendy, or dynamic. It doesn't try to be. It is quiet and serene. The outdoor space is pleasant and the indoors have excellent but cool (as opposed to warm or bright, not cool as in hip) natural light. Dishes are well-prepared with quality ingredients from a menu that could not be more predictable. Lunches include a variety of sandwiches and crab cakes. I have ordered these twice, and enjoyed them quite a lot. They let the crab do the talking and go easy on other fillers.

It would not occur to me to come here for a date, an anniversary, or a birthday party for anyone under 40 chronologically or under 50 at heart. I would absolutely take my parents or my surviving grandparents. I would do a work dinner, or better yet lunch, where I wanted to talk seriously without interruption. It's the kind of place where no one would think it odd to pull out paperwork and go over it will a colleague if you were both wearing professional clothing.

The punch line is that for the right occasion Gertrude's is perfect. I'm just trying to minimize the frequency of these occasions.

Regi's

Regi's Bar and Grill
1002 Light St. (at E. Hamburg)
Federal Hill, Baltimore
410-539-7344
Traditional American
www.regisamericanbistro.com
Cost: $$$
Reservations: Not Needed
Date of meal: late June, 2007
National Price-Quality Frontier: Inside It
Baltimore Price-Quality Frontier: Inside It

As we walk into Regi's and as for a table, the host asks us, "So what's the deal with Singapore? Where is it? Is it a country? What" He might or might not have said hello or welcome first. My spouse and I told him (it's a city-state adjoining Malaysia), and he was very grateful. We got a free appetizer out of it. I sort of wish they had asked us harder questions so we could have doubled down for a free entree. Apparently, a pair of diners had been asking each other this question and turned to the host, who didn't know either. I thought this whole vignette says good things about Regi's. It's casual and friendly; people aren't afraid to talk to each other.

Decor is pleasant and hearth-like in a way that is standard for places that serve traditional American food. Service was good, and as the story indicates, friendly.

The menu had pretty standard appetizers (crab dip, calamari), sandwiches (bistro burger, turkey and brie), and entrees. We had the "Mongolian pork chop" and a salmon entree. Both were dried out and a bit disappointing. At the price point (entrees about $20), execution of these dishes should have been stronger. I think you can do better at that price point, for example at b bistro or Peter's Inn. Still, Regi's food isn't horrible and the environment is pleasant. It may be wiser to go there for sandwiches instead of entrees.